Wallow: to flounder about; move along or proceed clumsily or with difficulty.

I am all about the wallowing the past 4 days.  I know, I know, I had months and months to get use to the fact that Husband was going to be 6000 miles away from me and the children for extended periods of time.  Nonetheless, I was not prepared.  Not like I had assured myself (and him) and hoped to be.

After speaking to him very briefly on Sunday, I havent heard his voice since.  It makes my tummy hurt to think of him.  Does this sound like a woman who has been married to the same man for almost 30 years?   There has actually been weeping.  I know he is so so busy and trying to get settled and lined out with work.  And I know as always he will call when he can.  Soon would be good.

I have tons of fabric lined out.  I have aprons to make.  I cannot bring myself to get started on anything.  I have so much that I had planned on doing while he was away but the motivation is not there.  I am sure I will pull myself out of my funk and get rolling soon.  I know he misses me no less than I do him.  And this separation is no easier on him than me…in fact harder if anything.  After all, he is the one not at home.  No comforts of home.  No familiarity.  A strange and developing country.  Which is code for scary and primitive.  I suppose some of my whining and crying is on his behalf as well.  I am making no less of his trials, just trying to get the most out of my own.

I don’t remember being this sad ever.  Not even when someone I love died.  I thought I was sad when we lived out in West Texas and I felt so homesick I would find myself crying in the grocery.  That was nothing.   I know this too will pass.  Soon the phone will ring and on the other end of the line will be Husband and we will discuss who loves whom more and who misses whom more.  And we will both be wrong…and right.  He will tell me briefly of his new adventures. Then on May 17th at 10 pm (G-d willing) he will walk thru the gate at the airport and we will have 3 glorious weeks together.  Next trip will be easier.  At least I am going to tell myself that.

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