recipe
Dec
11
2007

Volcanologist? Paleontologist? Anthropologist? Too early to tell. And a movie rant.

Yesterday was a busy science day around here. Well…just a busy day period. Didnt get a lot of “work” done on my part but fun was had by all! Rachel and Michelle’s Chelsea had Art (oil painting) class in the afternoon and when Michelle arrived to pick Rachel up (we take turns picking up and dropping off), I suggested Haley stay and play with Benjamin. They get along great. So it was agreed finally that I would just forego any roll in the car pool this week and stay here and let the little ones play. And play they did!

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They dusted and gathered “fossils” for about 3 hours. Or more. It was pretty dark when they came in absolutely filthy and ready to wash up their finds. When it came time to go home, Haley protested and we caved – just kidding, none of us was tired of visiting. And we needed to find a time to exchange Christmas gifts. So, we ordered pizza, gave kids spit baths, exchanged gifts (pictures tomorrow of the beautiful PERFECT candle holders Michelle gave me – they match my living room just perfectly!) and popped in “Waitress“. Before I get into my review of this movie I have to show you quickly what Ben and I were doing at 10:30 last night.

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Michelle & girls gave Benjamin a Volcano kit for Christmas and he was so excited. Just couldnt wait till today! I have to admit, it was pretty fun!

Okay…now the movie. Yeah, we missed a Christmas movie to watch this. I normally love independent films. Really I do. I will prepare you…this is a rant. Against many things. So if you dont need a rant this morning better run along now.

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And I don’t know why exactly this one offended me so much. Yeah, really I do know. The only redeeming thing in this film was Andy Griffith. I love Andy Griffith. He is like the uncle I never actually met. I grew up with him. He has a place in my heart like Johnny Carson and Lucille Ball. Just part of my life growing up. If it werent for his crotchety character, I dont know if I could have finished watching it. Oh, to be honest there were a couple of other things I liked. I love pies. So that was interesting. I love diners. So that was okay. I kinda dig retro waitress uniforms. So the movie had that. Otherwise it was tasteless (no pun intended) and demeaning to so many kinds of people. And BELIEVE me I am not a prude when it comes to movies. I will watch pretty much anything and find something I like in it. I loved Very Bad Things – quite possibly the most tasteless movie I have ever watched to date. There was something so great about Cameron Diaz’s character getting Exactly. What. She. Deserved. She was going to have the perfect wedding, all else be damned. And she got it…and all that came afterwards. NOT a family flick by anyone’s measure. There are prostitutes, drug use, infidelity, murder…but in the end, you find out that getting what you want, what you really really want, may be the worst thing that can happen to you. Oh great now I have that stupid Spice Girls song stuck in my head “Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.” ggggrrrrr. So I liked a tasteless movie. More than one I am sure.
Oooooppps…got side tracked. Just trying to make a point that I dont just watch G rated movies. I can handle movies with murder and mayhem. But there has to be some other levels of entertainment to it. Otherwise it mimics real life too much and if you want murder and mayhem and no entertainment, read a newspaper. Ya know? So back to this waste of my time. Oh…I guess I should tell you, this is the second time I watched it in a week. Yep. I had to watch it with my friend Michelle the second time, to see if maybe I was just having an off night or if it really was as bad as I thought. It was as bad as I thought.

If you plan to watch it and dont want spoilers stop here. Otherwise…

Okay…it opens with Keri Russell’s character begging and praying that the EPT test strip she just peed on does NOT have a pink line. It has a pink line. DUH. She hates her sorry husband with the passion you dont often see, BUT, he got her drunk…and pregnant. Are you serious? And add to this the most god-awful Southern accents I have heard since Gone With The Wind. It seems her two semi mentally ill waitress friends dont know whether to be happy or pity her. Both really. Then up drives Earl. Honking that damn horn. Over and over and over. And idiot that she is, she climbs in the car with him and heads home to fix him some supper. Pie of course. Spagetti pie if I remember correctly. Immediately I hate Earl. Hate. Hate. Hate. I have known men like this. Not on a personal level. As you all know my husband is so near perfect, it scares you. But this is the typical Southern, red neck, good ol’ boy, Neanderthal. He literally looks like the missing link. Most of the time I find several days growth of beard rather sexy. In fact VERY sexy if it is on my husband. But when you look at him, you realize, not only has he not shaved, quite possibly he has not bathed either. Pig. Michelle says at the first scene where Earl mistreats Jenna (Keri Russell)…”Arsenic”. Yep. Or roll him up in a bed sheet and beat the crap out of him with a Louisville slugger. We both agreed, this is the kind off man that eventually kills his wife because “if he cant have her, no one can” and so therefore there is NO “leaving” him. You just have to hide the body.

Anyway all sorts of supposed comedy and romance ensues. Supposed I said. Okay, let’s see. She goes to the dr and almost immediately starts an affair with him. He’s married. Happily supposedly. GRRRR. Lame. This goes on for what seems like hours but since the movie is only 108 minutes (of agony) it just seems that way. All this time Jenna has been hiding money to leave her husband. ALL over the house. No bank in this one horse Southern hell??? So guess what. Yep. He finds her stashes. And goes ballistic. By this time, I am talking to the TV. I have cussed at all of them. Turn it off you say! I know, I should have. But Michelle needed to see the rest. And I needed to see her see the rest so I would really know it was not just me. In amongst all of this Andy Griffith’s character Joe is her conscience. A crotchety old man who actually owns the diner and sees something in Jenna that is worthy. What I don’t know. But he thinks if he had met someone like her in his younger days he might have been a happier old man. He better thank his lucky stars he didn’t. Life with an idiot can’t be that much better.

Back to the part where he finds the money…all…over…the…house. Jenna was an idiot of gargantuan proportion. She lies and tells Earl she was saving for a crib. So NOW she has to actually buy one. This is the part where they lost me completely. She curses her baby. Damn Baby. Damn Crib. The baby is the reason she is stuck with Earl. No. She is stuck with Earl because she’s an idiot. All this time she is meeting her dr for what the writer wanted you to believe was love. He loved her. She loved him. He taught her what real love is. Okay, I am about to throw up. He taught her infidelity. Gratuitous sex. Which here means given without receiving any return value. Cold, unfeeling. So here she jumps out of the frying pan into the fire. From one sorry man to another.

Jump to the end. She has the baby. Names her Lulu. Kicks Earl to the curb. Joe leaves her $275,000.00 and the diner and she reopens it as LuLu’s Pies. With florescent waitress uniforms and florescent pies. End of story.

216 minutes of my life I will never get back. I cannot believe I watched it twice.

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Michelle

So glad Ben loved the volcano! Haley slept like a rock last night and wants to go dig in the yard as I type this. I encouraged her to wait for Ben to come this weekend to dig… ha ha.
That movie made me itchy, I didn’t get it. All I can say was at least she liked her baby in the end! The florescent pies looked like play dough!!!
We had a good time, sometimes last minute parties are the best!!

Victoria

Two thumbs down on this one. I completely agree with you it was awful and it got so much hype I was expecting a really fun light hearted chick flick but NO instead it has to be the worse movie I have ever seen. I can’t believe you sat through it for a second time, your a stronger woman than I, haha.

Oh, I’m with you on this movie. We watched it this weekend on DVD. All I could think was that I was so happy I didn’t pay big money and see this one at the theater. What a waste, pointless, mindless, stupid movie. Just couldn’t explain why she stayed with Earl, and there was just something so WRONG about cheating with the doctor while pregnant with a baby. Geez Louise. Not that cheating while not pregnant is OK, but there is something kinda sacred about a mother and child.

Blessings,

Sher

Thank you ladies for saving me the money on this movie.

I love the idea of “digging” for fossils. We might have to try this one day.

Pat

Great pictures of the kids and thanks for the review on the film. Now that’s 8 quid I won’t have to waste, not to mention time I won’t have to waste either. Thanks! I always loved Andy Griffith when I was a kid, still do. I wanted to marry a man just like him when I grew up. He was the dad I always wanted, you name it. I thought he was the bees knees!

I saw this movie last week and expected to like it more then I did. It is hard to pin point exactly why. It’s sort of creepy to me that so many characters lead empty lives and their idea of “improving them” is to have affairs. I know it sounds silly, but I think it disturbs me most because that is what so many people, today, do do!!
How sad is that?

Enjoyed visiting your blog.
God bless!
Terri

Thanks for saving me the money on that one..I probably would have rented it! UgH!! I am glad to miss it..sounds dreadful…sorry you can’t get that time back!!
Loved seeing your fossil hunting boy and friend…looked like something my youngest son would love to do..he lives for rocks and dirt..haha
Have a great week!!

It looks like the kids had fun!

Thanks for sharing your movie opinion. I won’t put that one on my Netflix list.

P.S. I’m with you on Andy Griffith – love him.

Looks like a great time was had by the kids – but sounds like the movie was, uh, not such a great time. I’m so glad I found your blog and read down far enough to see this review. I have this movie in my queue on Blockbuster and I’ll be removing it. Having had a crappy first husband who cheated on me aplenty, I don’t really feel up for that kinda sh- er, stuff. I’ll stick with more positive stuff like action adventure flicks with heroes like my Husband 2.0 Upgrade. ;-P

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