Thoughtful Thursday

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on. ~Robert Frost

As the anniversary of my mom’s passing approaches, I wonder why I don’t feel more “grieved out”.  Why it seems so fresh and the wound still so raw?  I honestly thought I would be further along in the process.  I usually “get on with things” fairly well.  I took my father’s death better but I suppose it might have been because I still had my mom.  It sucks to be an orphan.  Even at 49.  Plus as “they” say, it’s just different to lose you mama.  “They” must be right.  I still feel a bit disoriented when I think about things I need to do or plans I need to make. I never have been terribly task oriented but this is getting ridiculous.  Someone wrote to  me months ago wanting lotion bars and another wanting a lotion bar tutorial.  I had all intentions of getting both done right away.  Now here it is weeks, maybe months past and still neither.  I have a cookbook almost finished.  ALMOST as in it needs proofing and printing and put on etsy.  Is it done?  Nope.  I have all intents and purposes to get my etsy shoppe up and running not only because I need to focus but who couldnt use a little butter and egg money jingling in their pocket?  Frankly I miss the soap business money…it was like a real paycheck! I have all these wonderful ideas in my head and some even written down, but I can’t seem to get up the gumption to get rolling.  Then again, maybe I am just blaming grief when it is actually laziness.  The cooking classes are a start.  Something with a little commitment involved might be just what I need.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~ From a headstone in Ireland

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

We are about the same age and I can tell you now, that you’re never too old to be an orphan. Mine have been gone for over 10 years and I still feel it.
Grief does not have a time frame, so don’t be so hard on yourself because you haven’t ‘gotten on with it’ yet. Projects and plans are wonderful things to keep the mind and the hands busy, but the heart isn’t fooled. It needs it’s own time. It will come.
Hang in there.


I think you should miss your mom still, totally normal. She was a part of your everyday life……… know I am here for you!
Love ya!


You know, if you did not feel the loss and pain of the loss of your mother you would be almost less than human. There is almost no one else we are as close to than our mothers. (In most normal cases) So do not dwell on the loss, but remember the good times you had and know that she is always with you in spirit.
My own mother is 76. She is a stroke victim confined to a wheel chair and requires nursing care. Most of the time I do not think she even knows I am there. She does not speak to me, she sleeps in her chair most of the time…yet, I know. I talk to her even if she does not reply.
You can too. Just talk to her in your prayers every day.
For me so far it has been the loss of my grandmother. I was 38. (I am 56 now) I miss her so very much. Like it was just yesterday we were talking. I still feel her spirit. It helps me.

Queen of the Fashionablt Outdatee

Suzi- I remember talking to you everyday last year. I prayed for you then and I am praying for you now. You are such a dear friend. Everyday the pain eases but never leaves you. Your sadness lessens but remains. It is a part of your heart that takes time to heal. You are the matriarch now. It is your hearth and home the family longs to be at. Love fills the room you are in. May the blessings of those around you bring you comfort and joy.
love b

HUGS to you. It has only been 2 months since my mom passed. Everyone keeps telling me it gets easier. I don’t see how anything will ever be the same again. I forever miss my mom, my friend.

Missing your mom is quite normal and natural. You probably always will. Thankfully I still have my mom and dad with me, but I know the day is rapidly approaching when I will lose one or the other or both . . . not to mention my husband is only a few years younger than them. I dread to think. Sending big hugs your way, and keeping you in my prayers. XXOO

(((((Hugs))))) to you. And that picture? Captures the emotion of the post perfectly.

Okay, you don’t know me from a hot rock, as I just lurk here. But I have been where you are. I lost my Dad when I was 10 and my Mom just after college, when I was 22.

For years, I would occasionally reach for the phone to share something with Mom. She never got to meet my husband, or my children. It’s been 26 years now, and I still miss her. BUT, the daily living part got easier, and when I do think of her, it is without that heart clenching pain. I “know” when she’d approve of something I am doing, and when she wouldn’t. I “know” she is there to share in the moments of our lives and it gives me great comfort.

Her body is gone, and dang! I sure miss talking to her, but she will always “be” there with me anyway!!

Hugs to you!!

We lost my grandma back in 1992 very suddenly. My mom’s dad had passed away before my oldest brother was born and so then also became an ‘orphan.’ My mom was about the same age as you are and I was 13. I don’t know exactly what it was like for my mom, but I can tell you that even though my grandma lived far away from us her presence was sensed all the time. I always knew when my mom was on the phone with her because they talked for an hour or more. It was very strange not having her calling us or sending us cards on our birthdays or any number of other things. I still get very sad when I think of her not being here with us and wonder what she would think of the fact that I have become a good knitter. She was always a role model for me and I loved and still love her very much.
There are some people that no matter how long it has been, you will forever miss them. My grandma was one of those people (even though I am not someone who really knows about all of this kind of stuff, I think that’s just fine).


Be gentle with thyself. I hear from others that sanity does not return until after the first anniversary. Healing begins thereafter. I repeat, Be gentle with thyself…

I went through the same thing you are. First, you have lost both of your parents which is a double grieving process because you are now the next generation and in essence (how I felt) an orphan. I know it sounds wierd — but that’s what I wrestled with. A loss is a loss and you cannot put a time on grief or a way to get over it — you have to go through it … so just ride through this until you come out through the other side.

I am 50+. Mom has been gone for 4 1/2 years….. I still miss her. Even though I am a mom, I can’t do Mother’s Day! I understand your longing…..I am thankful that I have beatiful memories of a beautiful lady! :)

Hang in there…


no one can tell you how long it will take for you to be able to adjust to things.
all I know is that you will be able to come to a point when you realize that your mom would have wanted you to continue being happy and productive…she would have wanted you to find true joy/happiness once again.. but when that time comes you and only you will know..and then things will be settled in your heart that you have had the proper time you needed to adjust to this life will never fully “get over it” no one ever does…regardless of how “they” may term it.
you simply learn how to smile again and realize in your heart that your loved ones would want you to learn to smile again and to fully live again.
oh you’ll still have days when a tear dampens your eye from a long ago memory…maybe it will be when you are baking a loaf of bread just like granny used to bake or mom used to.
But that’s how we cherish the memories…we remember those loving lessons they taught us…and yes..we learn to smile again….but it takes time.
So allow yourself the time it takes…and know that yes…the sun’s rays will shine again…in due time.
with a hug sent your way.
( from someone who has walked this path of loss before too)