What exactly is a rough patch?

Yeah, I don’t know either. Means different things to different people I suppose. I think I have been experiencing a little more than writer’s block but don’t really have a diagnosis (other than my own). I do this every so often. Part of it is the time of the year. I like my cozy warm house and looking out at the cold – but the lack of sunshine is hard on me.

There will be plenty of you out there who 1)either don’t believe in such things 2) have never been depressed or 3)are so depressed you are past the point of realizing it. And then there will be those that totally get what I am saying. I tell myself every year I am going to be productive inside while I have the opportunity. But that never seems to happen. When I feel like this I am hard to get along with, hard to handle and likely, hard to love. If only the people who it matters to would realize I am harder on myself than I am on them, that might help a little. But I doubt it.

I wish I had more of an explanation or apology for my absence but blogging is way down on my list of “Apologies That Need To Be Made”. Rest assured this too shall pass. But likely not until the weather improves ;) .

I suppose I could stop being pissed at Mother Nature and latch onto my bootstraps but frankly, I don’t have it in me. Not today anyway.  Add the seasonal issue to the family stuff that has been going on for months now ~ it’s all taken it’s toll. I think most everyone besides the “injured party” has trouble understanding why it has been so hard on me. And has advised me on more than one occasion to just “stop letting it get to me”. Right. I will do just that. As soon as I figure out how to watch one of my children get their heart broken and not care. That may take a while. And everyone seems to know how they would handle either being the mother of that hurt child (even if the child is grown) or the child being hurt. Right. I would really worry about a person who could be wronged in the way my son has been and just go on about their business.

Some days I have wished Jerry could field some of the conversations but I also would have felt so bad about passing the buck and not being available when a conversation was needed. I “get” having to talk everything through 100 times. Analyzing things to the point of absurdity. Second guessing every little detail of every little situation. I am glad I could be patient with him most of the time because sadly, he inherited this from me, and  even though it meant taking much of my stress out on everyone else. Maybe someday they will forgive the infractions and understand a little more about why a person just needs someone who really loves them unconditionally to listen to them and  how that person can only listen to so much before they break down. God forbid it be under the same circumstances. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Oh, maybe I could think of at least one person whose heart I would not cry over being broken ;) . But Karma is a bitch and what goes around, comes around. Honestly, there is a part of me that still feels pity for her. I don’t know why people do the things they do. Hell, I don’t know why I do the things I do. I suppose finally realizing, the hard way, that I am not perfect and make way more mistakes than I figure is the average, I try to not let myself get filled up with hate for someone who might just be damaged goods and cannot do any better. Or can’t find it in themselves to do better. Maybe that is more accurate. I know, because I say it often, you make choices every day. It is going to be a good day or a bad day? Am I going to do the easy thing or the right thing? Am I going to walk it off or lose it? Am I going hate this person or be indifferent? I am not about to tell you I can bring myself to love everyone. I can’t and frankly, don’t care to. But if I can get to the point where they don’t eat away at me, I am pretty happy with that.

I do have a little project or two in the works. But they are just in the planning stages. The early planning stages. When there is something to tell you will be the first to hear.

One very cool thing is in the works. Rachel and I will leave May 12 for ten glorious days in New England. May in New England….ahhhhh. It can’t come soon enough. We will be staying at The Inn on Park Street, with a short trip to Southampton, NY to visit a friend and her family  for a couple of days. This dear friend is taking us into NYC and we will be making the rounds to all THE spots – Rachel has a list. I just want to stand in Times Square and take it all in. The site, the sounds, the smells. And I want to eat a hot dog from a vendor. Other than that I look forward to visiting my friend and her family and seeing Rachel enjoy all the things she dreams of seeing. While in Vermont, who the heck knows? Get up every morning get in the car and start driving. No big agenda, just relax and see what Vermont has to offer. We do plan on swinging by the state capitol building, NECI, King Arthur Flour, Vermont Country Store and there are a few towns I would like to see – Bennington, Bellows Falls, Arlington, Woodstock – might try to find Tasha Tudor’s homeplace outside Marlboro. But nothing is set in stone except the trip to NY. Plane tickets are bought, Inn is reserved, friend is alerted (waving at you Julie) – just have to reserve a car. Oh and pack…got plenty of time for that.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

hey there…I’ve sure missed our chats gal. Sorry that you are hitting a “rough patch”. Aren’t you glad that our families and true friends love us and tolerate us through it all anyhow? hugs.

Susan, sorry to hear that you are going through a “rough patch.” I have had my moments as well. Thankfully they pass and yours will too. I send lots of love, hugs and prayers your way. Oh to be in Vermont in the springtime. Sounds fabulous to me. If I had my choice to live anywhere in the world, it would be to live in Vermont. I have a cousin there that I am very close to and we hope to visit her at some point so that I can show Todd why I love Vermont so, oh and so that he can meet my cousin, whom I love as well, of course!! xxoo

I am sorry you and your family are in troubled times. I think your kindness and good heart is evident to everyone who reads your page here, so I am not being glib when I say I truly believe that eventually, you will all come out on the other side of this and know happy days again. How wonderful that you have that great trip planned to look forward to. I hope you always find the strength to get through the darker times, and you never need apologize. We’re here, waiting, when you are back up and running.


I can’t wait!!!!!!! We are going to HAVE some fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Sorry to hear that you’re experiencing “gray days”, but so totally understand it. Have been there many times. Maybe for different reasons, but there just the same. Sometimes even “gray weeks or months”. Also completely understand your feelings toward your son. What caring, compassionate Mother wouldn’t. And believe me, I don’t know of a more loving, dedicated mom. Like you, if either of my children has a problem or just needs someone to listen, truly listen to them with an open mind and caring heart—they come to me. And I’m so grateful for that. When they are hurting—I’m hurting, and like you,I can not help but be affected by their pain. It does impact my emotions, my daily life.

I hope and pray that these very difficult days will soon be a thing of the past. Not that the hurts will be forgotten—but at least both of you will be able to see that life can be good, really good again.

I want you to know that you have been a “bright spot” in some of my “gray days” and I’m so grateful for your friendship. Please know I’m always here for you.

On a happier note—I’m so excited for you and Rachel! Your “adventure”, coming up soon, sounds wonderful! Looking forward to hearing all about it and seeing some wonderful pics! Talk to you soon


Suzi, you have listened to me for years about the same issue- I am here for you in anyway I can be- just let me know.

Susan, As a mom myself…with two loving daughters… there have been hurts, problems and troubling times to go through with them both.

Even though I have always wanted to protect my children from hurt and harm…. it is part of life… not a pleasant one… but life. Any life worth living does indeed have its ups and downs… and your son will grow from this experience and the pain you all feel… will make you a more understanding and wise person… to help someone else go through a rough road. It sounds trite… but everything happens for a reason… even if we can’t see it.

My heart goes out to you… and I know how loving you are Susan… so wishing you a nice vacation with your daughter… and hopefully a time to heal.

Love Victoria in Houston


Some times of life one just needs to regroup – I always have thought that January and February would be put to better use if we hibernated, no expectations for anything outside the immediate home. It is so hard to watch a loved one hurt, and to do it at a time when there is very little daylight is much harder – there really don’t seem to be any bright spots weather related or otherwise. I know that your love for your son will help him to get through this dark spot and I hope that spring finds you soon as well.

I SO get what you are saying, even the part about your son!

Hey, if anything will help the doldrums, a trip has got to be right up there at the top of the list! All the places you want to visit are the same places I’d love to get to if I ever get a chance to head to the east. By May the sun will have been back for a while, your son will hopefully feel at least an iota better than he does today and you’ll be feeling much better—or stronger, anyway! Everyday the sun is out, try to just soak up some of it’s energy up for 5 minutes, at least. Let it shine on your face and just soak it in! When I was younger, whenever I’d be down in February and March I’d go to the tanning beds and just tan for a few minutes—that time energized me better than prozac and zoloft combined, LOL! I don’t do that anymore—too dangerous—but when the sun is out, I go outside and stand there with my eyes closed and soak up the healing energy. I know it sounds flaky, but it works, seriously!

Feel better and I hope the family issues get easier for all involved.


You are one of the most amazing people I know….rough is rough. Step back and be okay. Give yourself a break. Don’t be so stressed about not being here…you can’t be here always…none of us can. A rough patch is just that, rough, but not impossible as I have learned this last year. It is rough, but not impossible. Thank goodness. Thinking of you always. ~Kelly

unDeniably Domestic