recipe
Nov
08
2010

Mundane would be such an improvement.

I woke up to no water this morning.  Nothing frozen.  It’s not that cold.  Somehow the pump lost prime and evidently run until it was to hot to run any longer.  I don’t know what this means but I will be calling the well repairman at 7 a.m.  I don’t know what else to do.  I think this repair is out of my range of expertise. Not the way I wanted to start out this week.  Not. At. All.

Almost as disturbing as no water on a cold November Monday is something I ran across this morning while perusing the web and waiting to see if a cooling off period would somehow miraculously cause my well to work again.  No, the cooling off didn’t help and neither did the news I found.  The beloved Tasha Tudor raised a bunch of ingrates who are now behaving in such a way as to sully Ms. Tudor’s otherwise fine reputation.  While sitting here trying not to cry over my lack of water, I became close to being physically ill reading the account of the four heirs not only fighting over the will Tasha left and the validity of it, but they were fighting over Tasha.  Or her remains, as it were.  Yes, these people, grown people, fought over their mother’s remains.  Oh the things I wish I didn’t know.  Could it be the prize of $2.5 million, that as things are going, the lawyers will divide?  Could it be resentment for the lives they led growing up?  We all had a very romantic view of Ms. Tudor’s life and work but as most always, things are not as they appear.  One daughter, Bethany, lives in a mobile home, on food stamps and waiting to hear if she qualifies for government housing.  If her brothers and  sister have their ways, she will indeed qualify.

Of course I have googled for an hour this morning trying to see what has happened to this family and reflecting on how differently things went when my parents and Jerry’s parents passed.  I found articles all over the web from Salon to CBS News.  From the New York Times to the Burlington Free Press.  And all points in between.  How did I not know this?  I was stricken when she passed with a deep sense of personal loss for every time I looked a photo of Tasha, I saw my own beloved grandmother, BonDon.   I have written about BonDon before and what a mentor and influence she was in my life.  She and Tasha favored a little in looks and had that same spunky “just do it” personality.  No whining, no complaining, no consideration of how you felt about doing it.  If there was a task to be done, then just do it already! But I think maybe that is where the similarity stopped.  Evidently, Tasha was a much better author/artist than parent.  I think we can see that in the way things are going at present.  And these are not kids we are talking about.  People young enough that you could excuse some of their bad behavior by saying they haven’t lived long enough to deal with such things.  No these people are in their late  60’s!! For godsakes, their mother died and they fought over her ashes.  So clearly, this sibling rivalry, if you can even call it something so palatable, goes a little further than any monetary gain or loss on any of their parts.  I feel such a deep sense of disappointment this morning and I don’t know any of these people on any personal level whatsoever.  So many people loved and followed Tasha Tudor through the years. What a sad way to end things.

I could rehash all the things I read, many of which are definitely not opinions but facts since there are lawyers and judges and depositions and such but I won’t.  Just google Tasha Tudor Family Scandal and you will get all you can possibly stomach even if your day is going better than mine.  I will tell you however that your opinion no matter what it is of Ms. Tudor will likely change as you read.  We are never really what we seem to other people are we?  I try to be.  Sometimes it’s not a good opinion of me that people have.  I try to be myself at all times.  It’s just that my real self isn’t always nice.  Or sweet.  Or cooperative.  And you add to my real self, a hefty dose of depression and moodiness and I can be a handful . Or so I have been told ;)   November is really kicking my butt and it is only the 8th.  And frankly, I think I am holding up pretty well.  Especially considering my doctor and I are in the process of changing my anti-depressant.  I am not sure this was the best time.  My husband is gone, I have had to buy appliances, repair appliances (still no dishwasher until the 15th, unless you count my own two hands) and now the well.  The holidays are upon us and frankly, as much as I pretend not to, I find them very stressful.  Yet, I still have so much good in my life, I don’t want you to for one minute see my sharing as real honest complaining.  It isn’t.  I had the means to get new appliances and call a repairman for my dishwasher and now for my well.  So many don’t have that security.  Our family will have an abundance of food for the holidays and still have the means to buy gifts.  So I am grateful.  Just irritated and inconvenienced.  Trivial matters in the big scheme of things.

But back to what I started out to say when I brought up the Tudor family.  You really could not have asked for anything to go any smoother than any of the four of our parents funerals and dividing of their possessions.  None of them had a lot to divide but it all went without a hitch and as far as I know, everyone was happy with the way things turned out in regards to the inevitable task of dispersing worldly goods. I wonder if they had more, if that would have changed our behavior.  I want to think not. I want to hope not.  Jerry and I have joked that with six heirs our estate will not be worth dividing.  And I think I shall like to keep it that way.  I really don’t understand why or how heirs expect to inherit anything.  I have always thought whatever my parents had, the things they worked for, was theirs.  They didn’t owe me anything.  There were keepsakes I wanted but if there had not been one thin dime when they were gone, I wouldn’t have had ill feelings. And what little there was we divided equally three ways.  I also vowed years ago that I would never fight over it if any three of us disagreed about what to do when my parents were gone.   As it turned out, and just as I had hoped it would, not one of us wanted anything that wasn’t ours to have and never expected any less of each other than fairness and support for each other in our great loss.

I have a plan and I am hoping Jerry will go along.  Let us spend it all while we are alive.  And at the rate I am spending this time he is gone, that won’t be hard to do! Let us not leave enough that there is any chance or reason for any one of our children to be provoked into a dispute over what belongs to whom.  Hopefully by that time, they will all have busy fulfilled lives of their own and will feel like they are supposed to feel when they lose a parent.  Let them feel a loss, sadness, relief that the funeral is paid for ;) .  They can have a big book garage sale and divide the proceeds equally after they pay for the signage and ad they took out in the paper.

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susan

Oh dear! I won’t be googling anything. I don’t want to know!! Ignorance is bliss. My mom died in march and I’m sorry to say it was a bit more tasha than you :o /

Susan…Hope your water problem is solved soon… hang in there and take a long walk to de-stress! Or better yet eat a box of chocolates.

Loved Tasha too…I have her books… and what she believed in.

Hugs Victoria in HOUSTON

Hope your water got fixed without too much trouble I am sad to hear about Tasha’s estate. :-( Why are family’s so horrible sometimes. I beggars belief. xxoo

Hope your water woes are solved by now!

Sadly, my mother wishes we would fight over all her worldly goods. My millionaire brother, wife and their daughters do not want anything. My poor school teacher sister and I, the poor housewife, do not want anything. As a matter of fact, when she dies we plan to have a huge yard sale and donate it all to charity.

It may take quite a while though – her selfish existence has turned her home into a prime candidate for the Hoarders TV show.

Anne

Wow, what a morning! I understand how you feel about everything going wrong at once. We bought this old house 6 years ago and we no sooner get one thing done and something else goes. None of the money has been spent on luxury either..like insulation, well, water conditioner or we wouldn’t have any plumbing left! The sad part is that the person who sold us the house( former friend) did not disclose any of the problems and told us everything was new and didn’t need attention so we could concentrate on the out buildings..but I digress! When my parents died there was nothing to be had except bills!! I will not do that to my children..but I would give anything if they were still here. What a life!!

Big hug and a dark chocolate brownie! It can only get better – and it will. I must say it was reassuring to read your story. I think we all have days, even weeks, like that and we can feel so isolated and alone. It does help to know others are there, too, don’t you think?
I have seen other families implode after the death of a parent. It is so sad and depressing. Like you said, we don’t really know what goes on inside a family. I hope these folks find some way to forgive each other and their mother. Life is too short to live with anger and resentment.