Mail is here!

Really good mail.  REALLY good.  My lab results came yesterday.  And if I were to be completely honest, I see them as a gift.  And a call to do better about taking care of myself.  Every one of my numbers was within normal range and some of them, like my good cholesterol, was superb.  So basically, if I would lose this weight, exercise even a little more,  there is no reason I cannot forgo medications for many more years.  And live a long, healthy life.  Happy I have covered.  Healthy I worry a little more about.  I have a horrible family history for heart disease.  And to see numbers like I saw yesterday, well I am fool not to take advantage of them and bring them even closer to ideal.

I think beating cravings will be second in difficulty only to exercise in what ultimately is a change in my lifestyle. Following closely behind will be cooking differently for other people and denying myself what they eat.  But when I compare these things to real difficulties, they seem to fall in to their rightful places among challenges rather than difficulties.  I have done much more demanding things in my life.  Things that push me emotionally take a much bigger toll on me than denying myself a carbonated beverage.  I have to keep a list in my mind of my most difficult days in order to have perspective and prevent myself from wavering from my determination to make changes in my life.  I have faced much more arduous tasks head on, full throttle, completed them without giving up and come out on the other side with most of my faculties. Why should changing what boils down to what I use for fuel be harder?  It shouldn’t be.

My paternal grandmother had more influence on me than probably any other person, including my own parents.  Publicly she was very reserved, refined and just by looking at her you knew she had an handle on things.  She had tremendous resolve.  Nothing scared her.  Nothing.  Not life, not death.  I never heard her say “I can’t”.  She probably said “I won’t” but those times were scarce as well.  She was in fact, a very determined woman.  In private however, she was warm and loving and extraordinarily funny.  I rarely saw her show sadness like my mother’s family did.  She was quiet with her emotions and cried in private.  My mother’s side of the family is where I developed the full blown emotions.  Fully happy, fully sad, fully mad and at times fully berserk.  Never much for doing things quietly or half way, emotions were laid bare for all the world.  Public displays of whatever emotion was called for were commonplace.  Honest, raw emotion.  And painfully bold honesty.  Honest I can be.  And as much influence as my paternal grandmother had on me, I am afraid I am not as reserved and quiet as she was.  I have regretted  that many times.  But baring my soul, being boldly honest about my shortcomings and sometimes brutally hard on myself, comes easy for me.

A dear friend of mine commented to me after reading my previous post: You just put it all out there, don’t you?…I applaud your honesty and your determination. We might want to hold the applause.  This is going to be a struggle of gargantuan proportions.  This isn’t one of those things where I can get into Mommy Mode or Daughter Mode.  Nope this is about me.  And as a daughter, mommy, grandmother I can say it is so much easier to be selfish with myself.  Sometimes I have to be.  My feelings, needs, wants have to take a backseat to what is happening right before me.  We all face situations every day that demand our constant and undivided attention.  Many times we are just too physically exhausted or emotionally drained to even think about denying ourselves that cookie or candy or soda.  We deserve it, right?  Yes and no. Yes we deserve to treat ourselves but no, that isn’t really the best way to do it.

The cravings will come and sometimes I will be in a weak moment and give in.  That is not an excuse then to just fall off the wagon and wallow in the muck.  I must then forgive myself  for that cookie or soda, get back up, brush myself off and determine myself to do my  best to be stronger next time.

I went to a lovely housewarming for a dear friend yesterday and I did partake of a few things I won’t normally eat.  My goal for today is to make another 24 hours without a diet soda.  And without a sweet other than fruit.  To eat a nice lunch, taking time to prepare and sit and eat it, then a healthy supper and sit and eat it.  Giving myself time to enjoy my food, concentrate on the taste, the texture, the aromas and be satisfied with a reasonable portion. And get some housework done so I can plant fall garden in the next few days.

Have a great day.  Eat good things that are good for you.

With warmest regards,



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Lovely post once again Susan. I think we spend most of our lives trying to be what we think everyone else wants us to be, when really . . . they are just happy with us, for the most part and anyone who isn’t, well . . . sod them! They don’t matter anyways! I know I need to stop drinking diet soda. I think it only makes you crave sweet things. I could be wrong, but I know I usually want something sweet to eat after I drink one! Loving you loads! xxoo

When I fall off of the healthy wagon I do it big time. I can be doing so well then I just cave… That is when I realize that I have a problem with food and choices. I know I want to be healthy want live healthy…so why do I eat a half a bag of oreos at one sitting? Connections…I really have to work on them. Food stands for something…

Thank you for your ‘putting it out there posts!’