Me? Work retail? Are you sure?

ANNOUNCEMENT: OH do I have a surprise for you folks?!! Please come by Monday October 20th.  Please stay tuned and tell your friends.

Now a funny little thing that happened this weekend.

So Sunday my friend (who I will refer to as R) and I shopped like two crazy teenagers with Daddy’s credit cards. Before anyone (Jerry)¬†panics I bought a t-shit, a sweater that may go back, a pair of earrings and some ladies “undergarmets”. Oh and my lunch. None of that is relevant to this story except the shopping part. The ALL day, crazy shopping. The next to the last place we go in is a pretty swanky place for the area. We walk in, haggard from the amount of walking we had done -our feet realized about 2 hours in we were NOT teenagers and just as we stepped through the door a nice salesperson asked if we needed help just as I pointed and said probably a bit too loud “There it is! That’s the color!” Now the rest of the story is the unbelievable part. Not the part that I spotted anything across three isles (old eyes) but the next few minutes were magical. Wait let me back up – my friend and I had just been saying (yes, she completely agreed with me) that I just don’t think I am hire-able. Or if I am, could I keep a job given my lack of enthusiasm about pretty much everything? Not the least of those things, clothes. So the next few minutes tickled our funny bones for sure.

Salesperson: Well…that was fast and remarkable. It does match your jacket.

R and I look at each other and shrug.

Me: Yeah, I am pretty great I have to admit. I have fitted R with several extraordinarily adorable outfits today.

Salesperson: Are you looking for a job? We are hiring. Seriously.

Me: Ma’am I am standing in this very nice upscale women’s clothing store in a Walmart t-shirt, dirty jeans and birkenstocks with socks. Do you really think you want to hire me?

Salesperson: Yes. Yes I do. I have a feeling you know how to dress and besides you get huge discounts on clothes here if you don’t have workwear.

Again I step back a little so she can get a good look at me. No make up. Hair greasy from the humidity. She looks me over.

Salesperson: Smiles a big smile and says I am going to talk to my manager and get you an application.

Me: WAIIIT – hold up a second there missy. See, my husband is home 23-24 days at the most EVERY.OTHER.MONTH. I don’t do anything but hang with him when he’s home. So even if this would be quite the coup, I don’t think you want me to work here. I am not…well…very tactful. R snorted.

Salesperson: You seem perfectly nice to me. Oh that would be fine. Make your own hours. Just put yourself on the schedule when you CAN work. Oh you’d be great! Be right back!

Me: Okay. Sure. I’ll take an application.

and she takes off.

We are standing there looking at each other cracking up. Discussing how big a mistake this woman could be making and me thinking in Bizaro world, if I took this job, she’d get fired right along with me for being the idiot that got me hired. And she may actually need/want a job. That would be sad.

So she returns with an application, practically giddy and telling me how she spoke to the manager and the “work when you feel like it” would be fine and how she put her name on the application. AHHH light bulb – maybe she’s recruiting and it’s the end of the sales week. Oh lady, poor lady. Really, I am not a good candidate.

So I nod at all the right times in the conversation all the while folding the application and putting it in my back pocket.

Salesperson: Now don’t lose that! And get it back to us. Now is there anything else I can help you ladies with?

Disclaimer: There is none. This actually happened and it won’t be funny to people who don’t actually know me well and what a crabby old lady I can be. And how my very VERY favorite thing to wear is overalls. Old, patched, worn out overalls. With fancy jewelry. And birkenstocks. OH and yoga pants…oh yoga pants, how I love you. I am quite the dresser-upper.

But I have to admit 50% off markdowns sounds pretty sweet.

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It’s quite flattering actually when you think about it. I loved this story. Love you! xxoo